(As if I post enough stuff to fill a week anyway.)

I was going to pass on getting Soul Calibur V until it was revealed that Ezio Auditore from the Assassin's Creed series would be the playable guest-star character.  But I only placed my order yesterday because that's when I found out Best Buy had the pre-order bonus I wanted.  (Oh, for the good old days when only EB Games had pre-order goodies and collectors editions.  Now you have to pick which retailer you want to buy the game from and you still could end up with an incomplete product.  But that's for another time.)

This is something that I've thought of for a while now: Ubisoft has made Ezio the "star" of the AC series, and the original game's protagonist, Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, has gotten short-changed.  (I know he's back in Revelations but I've only just started playing that and I'm trying to stay spoiler-free.)  To coin an analogy, how would it be if Luigi, who came later, eclipsed Mario?

So here's what I propose to the devs at Project Soul: talk to the AC team at Ubisoft and start working on Altaïr as a DLC character for Soul Calibur V, if he's not already buried in there.

And while you're at it, let's do some wild speculation.  The Star Wars: The Force Unleashed character Galen "Starkiller" Marek was included out-of-the-box in Soul Calibur IV, two months before his game was released.  Since it's speculated that Assassin's Creed III will be released this year, and will feature a new historical protagonist, how about having this new character make their world premiere as free DLC for Soul Calibur V?  That is, if she is also not already in there.

And yes, my money is also on a female Assassin in Revolutionary America.

A Child's Christmas in Space
by Tom Servo

It's quiet in the cold of our own little orbit, starless and bible black.  And as I look down on the big blue beam we would call home I think it so near, yet... oh, I wish on that star and I hope that in a little snow-covered house with a warm hearth and a loving family, maybe some kid is looking up tonight and wishing upon us.  Oh, and how I hope sweet Santa will fly by tonight because if he does I'm gonna reach right out and hug that big guy.  Oh, for the sound of hooves against the steel hull of the ship.  Oh, to see the rosy face of Santa in the portal offering me a Coke and a smile... of course, his cheeks would be rosy because there's a vacuum out there, I mean Santa's heart would explode!  But he wouldn't feel it because the capillaries in his brain would pop like little firecrackers due to the blood boiling away in his face like pudding in a copper... OH THE HUMANITY!!  And his jolly old belly would start bubbling like a roasted marshmallow, eyes bulging and popping out... AND THE REINDEER--OH THE REINDEER!!!--keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in a hail of blood and entrails!  Prancer: BOOM!  Dancer: BOOM!

Joel: HEY!
Crow: Tom!
Joel: Tom take it easy, Santa's gonna be okay, buddy.
Tom: You sure?
Joel: Yeah, give him a little credit, okay?
Tom: Phew, what a relief!

Bonus points if you now make the connection between that and the title of this post.

There have been a lot of breakdowns on the trains over the last month, and people have been taking to Twitter to vent about it. And some people, like this clown, made me agree it's gone too far. You made me imagine a dreckful fake movie trailer for something called "Daemon Ceed-Train" and that I cannot forgive.

I had a good time with my week off in Ottawa and Montreal.  After being dropped off at Calgary International Airport the customary one hour before domestic flights, I saw there were huge lines both to drop off bags and to get through security.  I made it to my gate with minutes to spare before boarding.  But aside from that, the flight was uneventful, typical Air Canada.  I had a connecting flight in Toronto, and arrived at Ottawa International around 9:30 PM Sunday night.  And the place was dead.  Since that a lot of restaurants would be closed by the time I made it to the hotel, I grabbed a burger at the airport Harvey's before it closed and made my way to the shuttle buses.  However, it appears that the hotel shuttle bus had completely disappeared off the face of the earth.  No signs, no ticket stand, and the phone number lead to a full voice mail box.  Fortunately, thanks to my magic travel companion I found out how to get to the hotel on OC Transpo.  One of their Transitway routes went straight downtown.

For my first day in Ottawa, I made my way to the Canadian Museum of Civilization.  I wanted to see the exhibit on Japanese design and it didn't disappoint.  The artifacts were from the Edo period (1603–1867) and the present (1945–today) and grouped into five categories: travel, robots, shopping, society, and entertainment.  The juxtaposition between centuries-old wall scrolls and Sailor Moon anime cells was striking.  I also got to interact with a baby seal robot.  There was also a samurai sword on loan from the Glenbow, a lacquered Gundam robot model, and USB thumb drives that attach to your bag like a suitcase tag so you can easily get to your files.

I already went to the museum the last time I was in Ottawa three years ago, but I wandered through the permanent exhibits afterwards with the museum's app as a tour guide.  I spent the rest of the day at the museum, then made my way to ByWard Market for dinner.  I had the bison burger at Blue Cactus, and did the President Obama thing and went to BeaverTails for dessert.

I then had plans to go to the Mosaika sound and light show at Parliament Hill that night, but it was cancelled due to rain.  Since that my hotel was across the street from a shopping mall with a movie theatre, I instead decided to catch a late showing of Captain America: The First Avenger instead.

For my second day in Ottawa, I went on a guided walking tour.  The tour started just as the changing of the guard was beginning so we got to see that as well.  The tour went around downtown Ottawa and pointed out not only the major sights, but also some insider local stuff as well and it did not disappoint.  The tour ended at ByWard Market just as a big rainstorm hit so I wandered around there for a while and grabbed some sushi and watermelon gelato.

That evening I was booked on a short bus tour, but a misprint on their website and literature meant that it left an hour later than scheduled.  But it was short and sweet: driving by some of the big highlights of Ottawa and Hull including 24 Sussex Drive and Rideau Hall.  There was also a stop at Rideau Falls.

After the bus tour was over, I was going to make another attempt at seeing the Parliament Hill sound and light show.  But before that, I grabbed dinner at a place I saw on the walking tour: D'Arcy McGee's Pub.  We were told that it's where the MPs, senators, and reporters all hang out Thursday nights and you can overhear all kinds of gossip.

The light show went ahead as scheduled, and this video pretty much sums up my last night in Ottawa:

Wednesday was my train ride to Montreal.  VIA Rail was having a 60%-off sale on tickets so I paid for a Business class ticket instead of cashing in my frequent-rider points.  With the post office still iffy after the strike, I didn't want to take any chances with a free ticket getting delayed in the mail before I had to leave.  But the train ride was calm and uneventful.  Two hours of watching the Ontario-Quebec countryside go by, a cold lunch, and free wi-fi!  (And yes, this post did come from the train courtesy of a piece of kit from my gracious blog host.)

As this was a travel day, I hadn't planned anything to do.  Once I arrived at Gare Centrale, I found my way to the hotel, and then went out for dinner and a movie.

Thursday I wandered around Montreal until that afternoon, as I was going to the Fantasia film festival at Concordia University for a screening of the Japanese samurai movie 13 Assassins.  Good bloody fun.  That night I went to the Club Soda cabaret for Just For Laughs' AMP'D musical comedy show, hosted by Weird Al Yankovic.  Al stole the show, and it was all hilarious.

At the show, I got seated with a guy who was visiting from Yorkshire, and he recommended visiting the Montreal Biodome and Botanical Garden and I did just that for Friday.  They were amazing places, seeing the replicated natural environments with native animals and the vastness of the gardens which just kept going on and on.  It was a neat place to get lost in.  Good thing I had a map of the grounds and a fully-charged iPhone so I could find my way out.  But I took a pass on seeing the Insectarium that's part of the garden, I just knew it would irk me out.

That night I ate at m:brgr, I wanted to try it out after seeing their $100 burger featured on Epic Meal Time.  But that was way out of my league, so I had their Little Big Zak and it was one of the best burgers I ever had.  And their chocolate cake comes with a shotglass of milk.  I wonder if I did the right thing by knocking back the milk in one gulp and turning the glass upside down on the bar.

I then made my way to Place des Arts and back to Just For Laughs for their A Tribute to Nerds gala.  A comedy show tailor-made for me: a night of geek humour hosted by Simon "Howard" Helberg and Kunal "Raj" Nayyar from The Big Bang Theory.

Saturday was my last day in Montreal, so I went to Parc Jean-Drapeau which is the old Expo 67 site.  The Osheaga music festival was on so it was pretty bustling.  Eminem played there the night before, so I saw quite a few people at breakfast and around town wearing t-shirts and hats.  I went by the Biosphere, and went to the Casino de Montreal.  I went in with $60, hit the penny slots, and walked out with $101.75.  I'm a low-roller.

After the park, I went back downtown as I wanted to see the Ubisoft building as the Assassin's Creed games are made there.  But the address that Google fed into my phone led me to a building that looks nothing like the picture so I gave up.  Maybe the address was that of the corporate office and not where the designers are.  It's probably for the best, too. Maybe they've contracted their security to Abstergo Industries and if they saw someone like me taking pictures they'll grab me and strap me into an Animus to see what they can learn from having me relive the lives of my ancestors through their memories encoded in my DNA.  And with my luck, it'll be a Scottish pig farmer.

That night I went back to Concordia for another movie at Fantasia: Karate-Robo Zaborgar, and it was pure, giddy, utter insanity.  The trailer does not do it justice.  Where else can you see a robot karate master with a machine gun in its mouth change into a motorcycle and fight cyborgs?

I decided for my last night in Montreal to take my casino winnings and put it towards a late dinner at a fancy sushi bar near the hotel.  I tried one of their specialties, sushi pizza, and the rice was fried so it had the consistency of pizza crust.

Sunday morning I left real early on the express bus to the airport for my flight home.  I arrived with lots of time to spare, so I miscalculated with the hassle on the flight over and the fact that Quebec doesn't have an August holiday Monday.  I thought the airport would be a lot busier.  But I made it to Toronto okay for my connecting flight, and it left at least an hour late due to the plane having to be cleaned up from a trip to Cuba and it had to sit on the tarmac until it could take off.

So aside from some flight aggravation, I had a good time out east.

Next up, Seattle and PAX!!!

But I'm going to make the call: someday if Air Canada makes free wi-fi available on all their flights expect a tweet from me saying that I'm tweeting from 30,000 feet.

But as we've already established, I am such a tool.

So I emailed the store, asking them to check their credit card payment system settings.  And you can too.

So I will be getting one.  Later.  I'm going to wait for a price cut and some more games that I would want to play to come out for it.  Right now there's just one, and for me it's not much of a system-seller.

I almost hoped it wouldn't be that simple.  I hoped that I would've had to write them an email that would be read by a human being.  I wanted that email to be the most vile, hurtful, sardonic thing ever written.  I wanted that person who read it to be left crying at their desk with no self-worth and questioning their existence.  I wanted to be just plain RUDE.

But the Internet made it simple for me to preserve the thin veneer of civilization that polite society coats us with.  And for that, I'm actually grateful.

(However, if I get their next mailing I'm going to rip them a new one.)